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Mar. 12th, 2006 | 02:38 pm

I'm not going to use this journal anymore as I am going back to using my old one, stephzilla. If you're not friends with that one, go add it and I'll add you back.

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I think I am finally able to sum up what B2M was to me.

Mar. 6th, 2006 | 10:23 pm
music: David Slusser, Rubber City

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Vague comments-disabled entry like everyone else is making

Mar. 4th, 2006 | 05:51 pm

Hi everybody!

I don't want to deal with it either.

So bye!

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Crossing the line one meme at a time.

Mar. 2nd, 2006 | 04:14 pm

Today, woman are painting with their menstrual blood. It's daringly expressive and makes powerful personal political art.

-blood_art


































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It is used for expressing general amusement, or a wide variety of subtle emotions depending on subcu

Mar. 1st, 2006 | 04:14 pm

I made an entry and then deleted it. As soon as I let my dog in I'm going down town to drive around and take pictures because I spent my entire seventh hour looking at amazing photos and it made me wish I had talent so I'm going to try.

I need some fatty alone time.

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(no subject)

Feb. 28th, 2006 | 05:48 pm

So my dog just came up and licked my hand and that made me feel a little better because she hasn't done that in a while :)

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Flat Tuesday

Feb. 28th, 2006 | 05:44 pm
mood: sadsad

Today has been horrible. Last Thursday a boy who I've never met shot himself and he died last night. I'm not sure how to react and I feel really awful for feeling bad because I didn't even know him, but from what I've heard about the situation surrounding his suicide, it's an utter tragedy. It hits me really close to home because when I was his age I would have given anything to have been able to kill myself. When I found out I wanted to cry really badly but I didn't. It's times like these that I wish my faith was stronger so I could pray to someone.

I also found out that we're going to put my dog, Cassie, down on Friday. It's a hard situation. I've wanted my parents to admit that she's too old to be happy now and to put her down for a very long time because I know it's what's best for her. But it's so awful because all I can think about is how we can't take care of animals the way we take care of humans -- what I mean is, we can't put her into the same type of care. And we can't wait for her to die a natural way -- we personally have to go in and kill her ourselves. It's so horrible. And I'm going to get really sentimental for a minute and mention that she was the first pet I ever had. She's 15 years old and we've had her since as long as I can remember. We grew up together and I loved her so much and I felt like she was my sister. It's obviously not that way anymore, but I've never gone through something like this before. I have a scar under my eye that blends in with my freckles that she gave me when we first got her. And there's this picture of her that I'd kill to find of her up in the treehouse at my old house with her head out the window and her tongue hanging out. When I was in 6th grade, we took her up North to my gramma's house and she ran away. She was found by some pastor and almost wasn't returned to us.

I mean, I can deal with this. It's more horrible for me to see her the way she is when she's in such an embarrassing state. I tried to sit with her and pet her just now the way I used to and she had to just walk away because it hurts her too much to stand. I'm going to clean her really nicely before we go give her a mother fucking lethal injection. She's going to be beautiful :(

And with that said, I'm not really sure whether or not I'll be going to The Hard Lessons/Decks' show on Friday, or having that movie night thing, or anything.

I guess there's other stuff going on. But I'm in just such an awful mood right now. I have so much homework to do and I should practice for the talent show and play Sega and exercise and sleep and shave my legs and write poems. But I really just want to curl up in my bed and watch TV and cuddle with something. But not you. I don't want to cuddle with you.

And on the bright side, I saw my psychiatrist today and she said that I will probably be able to get off meds for my senior year. I'm doing really well and I'm happy about that.

Alex, my mom wants to talk to you about clarinet stuff so you should call my house for her whenever you get the chance.

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Inspired by Steve's lj post.

Feb. 27th, 2006 | 10:12 pm
mood: chapped lips!
music: wtf is wrong with itunes

So I'm going to Chicago this weekend. But remember how I always like to have those get togethers? Actually it was just that one time with the s'mores. Okay this week let's get together and watch amazing movies from our youth. Everyone is invited. It has to be Friday though, because Saturday I'm going to Chicago to drink wine and read poetry with intellectuals. Who wants to come? Everyone should come :( I can already tell that this week is going to take forever to end.

I like to always make an excuse to end my lj entries. This time I have to leave because I have a date with some cold left-over Thai. Peas~

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But that lesbian just pwned you!

Feb. 27th, 2006 | 05:50 pm
mood: wut?
music: Pavement, Crooked Rain Crooked Rain

Today I did something horrible and awesome. And most of the people who matter were there but whatever. So there's this kid name Topher, whom I of course only met this year (during Second Suburb auditions) but who everyone else knows and hates because he was a big asshole meanie to them years ago. He's in Advanced Creative Writing, god KNOWS why, and I don't really have anything personal against him because I don't have anything personal against anyone. All I know is that he's an asshole to people and sometimes he brings the lols.

Since today is Monday, we had a class activity in ACW! It was horrible. We had to write a description of ourselves from another person's point of view, and everyone's self-esteem took a beating. Topher volunteered to read, and it went something like this:

"Hey, that kid is a big asshole. All he does is make jokes about the women's sufferage movement and everyone just laughs! We're trying to have a conversation about politics! Oh great, he's saying something again. Now he's making fun of children who were abused! God, what an asshole! I hate him! Actually he just said something intelligent -- brilliant, even. But everyone's laughing still!"

And for a moment everyone was like "Huh :|," then I said (god, without even THINKING,) "Mmm. Topher is mean to people and then wants others to think he's smart."

Oh lord. Oh Jesus. I can't believe I said that. And when I said it, it was just in the moment of everything and you could tell the way I said it and it had been heard -- I pwned him. BUTTTTT AT THE SAME TIME IT SECRETLY FELT REALLY GOOD BECAUSE HE MADE ALL OF MY GOOD FRIENDS CRY. Oh god. I hope he doesn't hate me. I feel bad. But uhhh I'm not going to apologize because I'm totally right. Okay I'm going to go be a fat lesbian now bye :(



eta Okay well I used to look like this (minus the weird "lol i'm 15" photoshop job):



Andddd I kind of miss it.

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All I talk about anymore is Sega and Myspace.

Feb. 26th, 2006 | 10:16 pm
mood: fat
music: Debussy

So guess what I found out I own today?






















I don't know why it exists or why I own it, but I'm quite sure I've never been happier.



Also I've been feeling really bitchy as of late and I dislike a lot of people so watch the fuck out.

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