Fat Lane Sutton

I'm not going to use this journal anymore as I am going back to using my old one, stephzilla. If you're not friends with that one, go add it and I'll add you back.

Hi everybody!

I don't want to deal with it either.

So bye!

Today, woman are painting with their menstrual blood. It's daringly expressive and makes powerful personal political art.

-blood_art

I made an entry and then deleted it. As soon as I let my dog in I'm going down town to drive around and take pictures because I spent my entire seventh hour looking at amazing photos and it made me wish I had talent so I'm going to try.

I need some fatty alone time.

So my dog just came up and licked my hand and that made me feel a little better because she hasn't done that in a while :)

Today has been horrible. Last Thursday a boy who I've never met shot himself and he died last night. I'm not sure how to react and I feel really awful for feeling bad because I didn't even know him, but from what I've heard about the situation surrounding his suicide, it's an utter tragedy. It hits me really close to home because when I was his age I would have given anything to have been able to kill myself. When I found out I wanted to cry really badly but I didn't. It's times like these that I wish my faith was stronger so I could pray to someone.

I also found out that we're going to put my dog, Cassie, down on Friday. It's a hard situation. I've wanted my parents to admit that she's too old to be happy now and to put her down for a very long time because I know it's what's best for her. But it's so awful because all I can think about is how we can't take care of animals the way we take care of humans -- what I mean is, we can't put her into the same type of care. And we can't wait for her to die a natural way -- we personally have to go in and kill her ourselves. It's so horrible. And I'm going to get really sentimental for a minute and mention that she was the first pet I ever had. She's 15 years old and we've had her since as long as I can remember. We grew up together and I loved her so much and I felt like she was my sister. It's obviously not that way anymore, but I've never gone through something like this before. I have a scar under my eye that blends in with my freckles that she gave me when we first got her. And there's this picture of her that I'd kill to find of her up in the treehouse at my old house with her head out the window and her tongue hanging out. When I was in 6th grade, we took her up North to my gramma's house and she ran away. She was found by some pastor and almost wasn't returned to us.

I mean, I can deal with this. It's more horrible for me to see her the way she is when she's in such an embarrassing state. I tried to sit with her and pet her just now the way I used to and she had to just walk away because it hurts her too much to stand. I'm going to clean her really nicely before we go give her a mother fucking lethal injection. She's going to be beautiful :(

And with that said, I'm not really sure whether or not I'll be going to The Hard Lessons/Decks' show on Friday, or having that movie night thing, or anything.

I guess there's other stuff going on. But I'm in just such an awful mood right now. I have so much homework to do and I should practice for the talent show and play Sega and exercise and sleep and shave my legs and write poems. But I really just want to curl up in my bed and watch TV and cuddle with something. But not you. I don't want to cuddle with you.

And on the bright side, I saw my psychiatrist today and she said that I will probably be able to get off meds for my senior year. I'm doing really well and I'm happy about that.

Alex, my mom wants to talk to you about clarinet stuff so you should call my house for her whenever you get the chance.

So I'm going to Chicago this weekend. But remember how I always like to have those get togethers? Actually it was just that one time with the s'mores. Okay this week let's get together and watch amazing movies from our youth. Everyone is invited. It has to be Friday though, because Saturday I'm going to Chicago to drink wine and read poetry with intellectuals. Who wants to come? Everyone should come :( I can already tell that this week is going to take forever to end.

I like to always make an excuse to end my lj entries. This time I have to leave because I have a date with some cold left-over Thai. Peas~

Today I did something horrible and awesome. And most of the people who matter were there but whatever. So there's this kid name Topher, whom I of course only met this year (during Second Suburb auditions) but who everyone else knows and hates because he was a big asshole meanie to them years ago. He's in Advanced Creative Writing, god KNOWS why, and I don't really have anything personal against him because I don't have anything personal against anyone. All I know is that he's an asshole to people and sometimes he brings the lols.

Since today is Monday, we had a class activity in ACW! It was horrible. We had to write a description of ourselves from another person's point of view, and everyone's self-esteem took a beating. Topher volunteered to read, and it went something like this:

"Hey, that kid is a big asshole. All he does is make jokes about the women's sufferage movement and everyone just laughs! We're trying to have a conversation about politics! Oh great, he's saying something again. Now he's making fun of children who were abused! God, what an asshole! I hate him! Actually he just said something intelligent -- brilliant, even. But everyone's laughing still!"

And for a moment everyone was like "Huh :|," then I said (god, without even THINKING,) "Mmm. Topher is mean to people and then wants others to think he's smart."

Oh lord. Oh Jesus. I can't believe I said that. And when I said it, it was just in the moment of everything and you could tell the way I said it and it had been heard -- I pwned him. BUTTTTT AT THE SAME TIME IT SECRETLY FELT REALLY GOOD BECAUSE HE MADE ALL OF MY GOOD FRIENDS CRY. Oh god. I hope he doesn't hate me. I feel bad. But uhhh I'm not going to apologize because I'm totally right. Okay I'm going to go be a fat lesbian now bye :(



eta Okay well I used to look like this (minus the weird "lol i'm 15" photoshop job):



Andddd I kind of miss it.

So guess what I found out I own today?






















I don't know why it exists or why I own it, but I'm quite sure I've never been happier.



Also I've been feeling really bitchy as of late and I dislike a lot of people so watch the fuck out.

Half of the people I hang out with have been overtaken by gimmicks. Guess what's not funny? Saying the same jokes over and over again for months on end!

But anyway, in Japan, when a hornet tries to invade the honey bee's hive, the honey bees swam him and roast him to death! (But only in Japan. Honey bees in other places are fucking pussies.)

I've decided to create a budget of sorts for myself. Today I took bottles into the grocery store and got about $15, in addtion to five dollars I already had. Now I have two dollars to my name. It's been like this the entire week. I mean, I spent about $10 grand total at thrift stores this week as well but every thing else has been spent on going out with friends, eating out, etc.

So, this is the plan, until I get a job: One show every other week (or basically anything that requires an admission fee) and Linda's once a week. If I cut back on those things, I should be a little less desperate.

My dad was really nice and gave me money to fill up my tank again today. Yeah, so I should be pretty set on gas for a while. My parents give me $25 a week; $10 for gas and $15 for lunch money. Of course I'm supposed to be thrifty and pack lunches and keep the money for myself (my parents are really weird and don't like to hand out money to me for no reason) but still, $15 isn't that much when you're eating out with friends multiple times a week and paying all that people mover fare! Ugh, and $10 barely gets me ANYTHING. Not even half a tank. It's just enough to get me to school and back for the week. So usually I spend $5 extra dollars on gas. $10 spending money.

I really, really hope CVS wants to hire me. But in the mean time, I'm going to spend more nights at home watching VHS and playing Sega. My house is a fun place anyway so everyone should just come over more often. Besides, I know you're all sick of spending money too. Let's be thrifty and nifty! Come to Stephanie's house!

So I once downloaded a whole bunch of versions of "The Sunny Side of the Street" and now I'm listening to this one by The Pogues. It's amazing. I can't tell if it's "The Sunny Side of the Street" I had in mind -- in fact, I can't understand 99% of what the lead singer is saying. It's like, "A grawoflh snoblels gsrasbuttfax foggog on the sunnyside of the street!" And there are Irish flutes. I bet Will Dawson loves this band.

Well now Tom Waits is singing. Tom Waits. Ugh.

Now it's TLC - Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls!

My life is amazing.

Last night I had a dream that I was taking some sort of class with a bunch of middle schoolers (inspired by the fact that I'm taking Spanish I and Honors Bio, which are both underclassmen classes -- thnx art school!) and I kept getting real pissed off at them. And at one point, I yelled at this little boy, "God! You're so fucking immature! You act like a fucking 12 year old!" Then everyone started laughing BECAUSE HE WAS 12 YEARS OLD. Then I bumped into mikeyface and he was wearing a burqa.

I decided to try fasting today to make up for the fact that I've eaten a ridiculous amount this past week but damn I want some cracklin' oat bran. Good thing I have some jawsome will power! (Note to self: never say "jawsome" again.)

ETA!!!!! Also my dog has an lj now. She added everyone she ever met with an lj. Chances are she added you! beutifylunicorn, add her back.

Hot dogs are severely underrated.

I just had my interview with CVS.

Good LORD, I want to work there! It's so much better than Mack Avenue Diner, it's hilarious. $7.50/hour (versus $6/hour) starting out 15 hours/week (versus 12/week which was usually more like 9/week), which will potentially increase once I'm 17 (apparently there's a law saying I can't work more than 15 a week). Also, once I'm 17, I would get to learn how to use the PHOTO LAB!!!!!! Seriously, I've always wanted to be a Photo Lab Technician. And when I'm 18, I can work in the pharmacy and get some sort of doctor street cred or something.

Ahh, but I don't know if I'll get the job because I'm one of 20 who are being interviewed, narrowed down from 100. I doubt that I will since I can't work more than 15 hours until April. But still, ohmyfuckinggoddd LORDD I WANT THAT MONEY. THINK OF THAT MONEY. $112.50 a week! That's almost twice what I was averaging at Mack Diner. Ahh, dream to dream, Young Trout.

It's warm outside so I think I'm going to go for a bike ride. Would anyone be interested in partaking in regular bike rides with me once it stays this nice? It is good exercise. I like good exercise. This winter I've been having dreams about being able to go running. And then it wouldn't be warm outside. Blah blah.

HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE A WIDOW'S PEAK????? I used to be like "MOM MY FOREHEAD IS DEFORMED WTF" and she'd be like "No u have teh widows peak it is ~beutifyl~." And then that kid in that book about the revolutionary war named Johnny Tursomething had a widow's peak and I think all the babes wanted him. Also bRyAnT w00dz has a widow's peak but he a black man.

Today I saw the world! But not white tailed deers. I did, however, see a tiny boy in a lobster sweater.

Tomorrow I have a bunch of vague plans, some of which I've not yet introduced to certain people.

Sean Dufty - Watching Twin Peaks and hopefully making it out to that store you were telling me about.
Justin - Battle pokemonss??? Maria and I want to take you on the people mover. Oh wait you're taking a break from lj.
Maria - People mover with Justin??????/?/?/??
Alex and Libby - Cookie making party? People mover??????/?

Anyone else want to come?

Blah blah blah. Time to eat some oreos and watch Court TV.

Oh dooooods! CVS by 9 mile just called and scheduled an interview for Thursday at 10AM. SWEET! It's probably a pretty dumb job but it's most likely going to pay better than Mack Ave Diner andddd it would be nice to have financial freedom again.

So I'm under the impression that tonight The Mrs. Glendenings and Co. are supposed to be hanging out but I'm not entirely sure what the plan is. I'm all for playing some awesome Sega at my house. Or something.

Omg yay CVS loves me!

My Sega Genesis system desperately needs to start working again so I can stop thinking about life.

edit So I fixed it! i just spent like an hour playing Sonic and Tails II. I am rusty :(

Basically come over to my house so we can play Sega together. You can be Tails and I will be Sonic. That way if I fall into any more of those sandpits you can fly down and get me out!

( I've always kind of wanted to do one of these surveys. )

Last night I had a dream that Michael Fentin asked me to the Valentine's Dance! It was so cute! Because I was so afraid that no one would ask me! And also all these underclassmen whom I associated with at one point in time asked me and I was like, "Ehhhhhh." But then Michael Fentin came and saved the day! It was pretty random. And right before I woke up I was in the girl's bathroom with Alex and Krsna and Alex was like "DUDE, WHERE'S YOUR COMB," and Krsna was like, "Dude, I don't have it! You know people I introduce you to always think you're ridiculous. They're like, 'He's hot, but kind of a nerd.'" And Alex was like "COMMMMBBB." ALEX, THE TRANNIE MOVIE. Plz don't forget! I suppose if I really cared whether or not you forget I would call you. But I don't feel like calling anyone since I've been up 20 minutes. Blaaaah. Plus I forgot until I went to sleep last night. Blah blah blah.

Okay okay okay. So yesterday Maria and I dressed up really fancy and went to the Olive Garden. The food gave me big poops and a stomach ache. Then we went to Target and made fun of everything we saw. Then I saw my first best friend and I didn't even recognize her because she was wearing so much fucking Northface! I wish I said "Hi" but she would have been awkward about it.

AHHHH THEN I WATCHED GOOD BURGER. YOU GUYS I HADDNOT SEEN THAT MOVIE BEFORE AND IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. OH GOD. OH GOD. FUCKING AMAZING.

Speaking of movies, I would like to watch as many movies from this list as possible over break.

( Horrorbrain's Sickest Movie List )

(OMG BREAK)

Alex came over and wanted some of Maggie's dream cake. So I gave him a piece and the bastard wouldn't finish it! And there was none left! So I stole his pants and put them on the stop sign at the end of my street. And I made him go walk and get them. And then it was really horrible for like ten hours because I felt bad because it was so cold and Alex thought he lost his keys. Then Maria started laughing and it was okay. Oh Alex, I made you walk around outside without your pants on.

I don't clearly remember what happened after that so we must have gotten really fucking crunked and had a big threesome. Sick, okay we definitely didn't do that.

So my mom figured out my gmail address and today she sent me something with this in the subject line: "FW: I want this back, IT WORKS ! !" Oh god.

I am in a pretty good mood today. Hopefully I will see that movie with Alex and I also plan to hang out with David some time today, which should be nice because I haven't seen him in a long time. I really sincerely like David, he's one of my very good friends whom I've known for a while. Daaviddd. Too bad him and Sasha don't get along anymore, otherwise we could all hang out together like the good ol' days! Okay well I am going to go now. Good bye!